Unravel the Babble

After a very annoying incident with a favourite pair of shoes this weekend, I made a mercy dash to the repairers in the mall to restore them to their former glory. Against my better judgment, I left my husband temporarily unattended in a men’s clothing store, buying shorts that looked identical in every way to the ones he’d been wearing the day before.

(Apparently some men think it’s extremely important to replicate their wardrobe year after year, matching colour, shape and fabric to ensure an exact clone of the look they’ve been attentively cultivating for the past decade or so. In a frenzy of excitement, my husband’s even been known to buy two pairs of identical shoes, hiding the understudies until they’re allowed to replace the ones we’re already tired of seeing summer after summer).

But back to my shoes! I arrived at the shoe repair place, only to find that it’s shut on Sundays. The tiny note on the door said, “We’re closed on Sundays. Sorry for the inconvenience.” Well, sorry, but I don’t believe you. And please don’t pretend to be sorry when you’re not.  It’s a very empty phrase that sounds remarkably insincere. On what might be the busiest retail day of the week, your kiosk and a nearby jeweler are the only businesses in the mall that are closed. You’ve made a calculated decision to go against the grain and leave the place in darkness, knowing that it’s likely to inconvenience more than a handful of people. You’ve not just popped out for 15 minutes, in which case an apology for your temporary absence would be more fitting.

I searched in vain for another sign that would tell me what time you open on Mondays, but it doesn’t seem you’re willing to give up that information without a fight. Had it not occurred to you that your customers would benefit from knowing your opening times? It only takes a moment to put yourself in our shoes, to work out what we need to know and how you need to say it.

Amanda O’Donovan is a big fan of common-sense communication. You can contact her at 416.456.3859 or amanda@amandaodonovan.com. 

I’ve been following a discussion on LinkedIn’s BtoB Marketing Group about the Business Buzzwords you love to hate. It’s an animated thread, and I’ve had a lot of fun finding out about the words people would like to ban from our business vocabulary. Personally, I’m tired of hearing about buckets and silos, low hanging fruit and industry-leading, end-to-end solutions. But that’s enough about me. Here are 10 irritating words or phrases that cause some of the other BtoB group members to rant:

1.       Moving Forward

2.       Transparency

3.       Next-Generation

4.       Best-in-Class

5.       Benchmark

6.       Value-Add

7.       Visibility

8.       Long Tail

9.       Win-Win

10.     Facetime

Now it’s your turn. Tell me about your five most hated buzzwords. You may be guilty of using them yourself, or ready to strangle a colleague who can’t stop spouting them…

Amanda O’Donovan creates best-in-class, industry-leading end-to-end solutions to increase the visibility of her clients. Moving forward, you can arrange some facetime by contacting her at 416.456.3859 or amanda@amandaodonovan.com. 

If you think that communication is all about words not images, you may find that you’re writing in abstract terms. People remember pictures, not concepts. So, when your talk turns abstract, your readers start to drift — they’re simply not engaged. If there’s nothing concrete in what you’re saying, there’s nothing for them to identify with. Much like passive voice, abstract writing can sound pompous, evasive, vague or muddled. Peppered with confusing strings of abstract nouns, sentences can quickly run out of control, and you’ll find yourself using valuable page space to say nothing at all.

So how do you recognize these abstractions, and what can you do to weed them out of your copy? Let’s look at some concrete examples!

Ø  A Family Entertainment Experience — A wasted phrase like this is likely to have as many meanings as it has readers. Are we talking about watching Grandpa do karaoke or Mom fall out of a canoe? Is this about taking a trip to Disney or experiencing the excitement of Cirque du Soleil for the very first time? Or maybe we’re simply talking about getting in the minivan and munching through a bucket of popcorn while watching a feel-good movie that’s suitable for all ages.

And here’s another one: Nintendo describes the Wii as “a unique social gaming experience.” If you’d just emerged from a coma, would you know that the Wii is a video game that gets people off the couch and brings them together in front of their TV screens to bowl and box or play golf, tennis and baseball?

Ø  Negative Equity — This means that you’ve borrowed money to buy something that’s now worth less than you paid for it. But, while I think you’re talking about a house with a mortgage, someone else is imagining a car or a boat. If you don’t paint the picture your readers will make up their own story.

Ø Our Leading-Edge Facilities — Are we talking washroom, sports arena or hotel? And what makes these facilities so “leading-edge”? For argument’s sake, let’s say you run a hotel and you’re trying to increase room occupancy. You won’t attract any visitors by talking about facilities. You have to give your readers every reason to want to make a booking, so they have to picture themselves as guests in your hotel. Tell them about your new ergonomic beds and luxurious linens. Let them know about the celebrity chef in your restaurant. Give them every reason to want to reserve a decadent spa treatment or challenge themselves to a workout in your fully equipped gym.  

If you’re writing for technology markets it’s quite likely that you’re even more abstract than most. We’re in the habit of talking about platforms, systems, solutions, applications, configurations, standalones, bleeding edges, user interfaces, seamless transitions, vertical markets, intellectual property and cloud technology. We dehumanize real people, who we’re hoping will buy our products and services, by calling them end users and customer bases. Isn’t it about time we all started talking to our clients in a much more meaningful way?

Amanda O’Donovan works as a freelance copywriter in Toronto, Canada. You can contact her at 416.456.3859 or amanda@amandaodonovan.com.  

Lexington MA-based David Meerman Scott is a Marketing Strategist and keynote speaker. David has partnered with Dow Jones Insight and HubSpot to weed out tired, overused and cliché-ridden business jargon from press releases, websites, case studies, whitepapers…….and just about any other kind of B2B communications you can think of. Read the posting below from David’s blog — or simply run straight to HubSpot’s Gobbledygook Grader to test your content for over-used gobbledygook phrases. If you feel really passionate about business clichés, you should also head over to Seth Godin’s Encyclopedia of Business Clichés. The list is currently at 360, and you can vote for your favourites.

Top Gobbledygook phrases used in 2008 and how to avoid them

Boston, MA – April 8, 2009 – David Meerman Scott is pleased to announce a partnership with Dow Jones and HubSpot to leverage and focus on innovative solutions for new and improved, next generation, cost effective, world class, high performance, value added outcomes.

Does the sentence above suck or what??

That’s how so many PR people write — using gobbledygook-laden phrases that are so overused to have become meaningless.

I have just completed an analysis of all 711,123 press releases distributed by North American companies in 2008 through Business Wire, Marketwire, GlobeNewswire, and PR Newswire. The project looked at 325 gobbledygook phrases from a variety of sources, with the detailed analysis on the number of uses for each phrase done using Dow Jones Insight.

So how do you avoid using gobbledygook?

Easy! Write using the words and phrases your buyers use. You can also run your press releases, web site text, brochure copy, resume or any other document through the brand new Gobbledygook Grader from HubSpot. The Gobbledygook Grader (released today) will give you a score based on how many over-used gobbledygook phrases you use and suggest ways to improve.

Here are the top 25 gobbledygook phrases used in press releases sent in North America 2008.

Analysis of 711,123 press releases distributed in North America by Business Wire, Marketwire, GlobeNewswire, and PR Newswire in 2008. © 2009 by David Meerman Scott and Dow Jones. Copyright holders are licensing work under the Creative Commons License, Attribution 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/us/

Gobbledygook terms were drawn from these sources:

 - Informal survey of my journalist friends in order to create The Gobbledygook Manifesto, first published in 2007.

- Suggestions within comments on the Gobbledygook Manifesto blog post.

- Seth Godin’s Encyclopedia of Business Clichés.

- This Paperclip is a Solution: A survey of general business and trade publication editors in September, 2006 by Dave Schmidt, VP, Public Relations Services at Smith-Winchester, Inc.

- The book Death Sentences: How Cliches, Weasel Words and Management-Speak Are Strangling Public Language by Don Watson

Resources:

- Take a look at the results for all 325 gobbledygook phrases

- Analyze your content using the HubSpot Gobbledygook Grader

- Read my original Gobbledygook Manifesto published in 2007

- Learn more about Dow Jones Insight, which I used for this analysis.

Disclosures: David Meerman Scott is on the board of advisors of HubSpot and he provides coaching services to Dow Jones Enterprise Media Group.

Amanda O’Donovan specializes in corporate communications. She lives and works in the Greater Toronto area, writing for clients in English-speaking markets — using as few clichés as possible.

You may not be aware that you’re doing it, because self-diagnosis is rare. And, although many have searched for the cure, few people find it without expert help. It’s been responsible for destroying entire swathes of corporate content with its cloudy imprecision, unnecessary wordiness and lack of accountability. I’m talking about “Passive Voice,” and it’s very likely hiding in a piece of copy near you.

As a corporate writer, I’ve programmed myself to weed out passive voice and turn sentences into active, energetic, informative business tools. However, I find that many of my clients still struggle to identify a passive sentence, let alone fix it. Why is this so important, you ask? Wouldn’t we be better concentrating energy on clawing our way out of recession or brokering world peace? Possibly, but the problem is that a passive sentence is such a pale imitation of its active counterpart. It invariably contains more words, will probably be impersonal, will more than likely be evasive and generally conveys less information. Making an emotional connection with your audience is vital in a world of short attention spans, and you’ll do that far better if your writing voice is “active.”

Take these two sentences:

“Passive voice is used by our company to ensure that we are shielded from the need for clarity of expression.”

“We use passive voice to avoid expressing ourselves clearly.”

I’ve underlined the two instances of passive voice in the first sentence. When trying to eliminate passive voice, watch out for any verbs with an “ed” or “en” ending. The word “by” after a verb is also a giveaway. And know that when you write in passive voice, you risk tying yourself up in knots, quite apart from using more words than necessary to complete a sentence.

On a positive note, you can use passive voice to great effect to deflect attention from what’s really going on. It’s a perfect vehicle when you want to avoid having to define something or take responsibility for it. If you’re looking to evade or conceal, it’ll be your first choice. But, if your aim is to communicate clearly and engage your audience, you’d better keep your writing active.

Compare these two sentences:

“An iPod was presented to the contest winner.”

“Ruby presented an iPod to the contest winner.”

Which is less abstract and more informative? I’ll leave you to decide. Oh,  and before I go, do you know that you can configure Word to identify passive sentences?  By adding a style check to your spelling and grammar review, Word will give you a slap on the wrist every time you use passive voice. I’ve experimented with it and, although it’s not perfect, it’s certainly a step in the right direction:

·         Click Options from the Tools menu (Word Options on the Office button in O2007)

·         Select the Spelling and Grammar tab (Proofing from lefthand menu in O2007)

·         Click the Settings button

·         Under the Styles heading, select “passive sentences”

For more writing tips and opinions, download How to Create Marketing Content that Sells

Amanda O’Donovan is a Toronto-based freelance writer who tries to stay as active as possible. 

Sometimes, I think we’re in danger of drowning in our own babble. At work we surround ourselves with a language of protective terms that mean very little to an outsider. It’s a great way to avoid saying what we mean, or knowing what we’re talking about. Many of us are so good at it that we’ve skilfully managed to confuse our suppliers, competitors, clients, prospects and even our colleagues.

As a freelancer, I’ve worked with many different organizations. Each one has its own corporate language —spoken with great pride and many acronyms. It’s very hard not to get sucked into this vortex of business babble, because deep down we all want to wear the badge that shouts, “I belong here.”

Most of us wouldn’t dream of using techno terms at home with our loved ones, so why do we park our personalities at the office door on a Monday morning? Why do we insist on talking about optics, low-hanging fruit, burn rates, pushback, face time and helicopter views?

Imagine how ridiculous it would sound if we started using business jargon in our private lives:

“Hey Dad, can we talk about my allowance? It’s been the same for so long — and I can’t afford to buy the stuff I need.”

“Son, you may need to get your burn rate under control. You probably need more granularity in your expenses going forward.”

“What?”

“I’d like to schedule a town hall this evening. We need to bring your sisters to the table on this, because any change in your reward package is likely to affect our entire family unit.”

“OK.”

“Meanwhile, I’ll need to run this up the flagpole and see if Mom salutes.”

“So, does that mean you’ll talk to her?”

“Yes, I’ll book some face time, but don’t drive beyond the headlights on this one. We may get pushback.”

“Is there anything I can do to help persuade her?”

“You’ll need to get your ducks in a row. Bucketize your ideas —a helicopter view will do — and then bottom line it with some bullet points. Once you’re done, I can take a look at the treeware and give it a legal scrub before you present it to the C-level.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

“You’re welcome, Son. The optics are looking good. I’m hoping to get you somewhere north of fifty. We’ll circle back this evening. Let’s hope the juice is worth the squeeze.”

Now, I realize that I may have exaggerated the content of this conversation to push home a point, but most of you reading this will have used one or more of these expressions in the past week. You’re guilty. I’m guilty. Can we change our business behaviour? Yes, we can!

For more ridiculous business jargon, and for a translation of some of the terms used in this post, take a look at theOfficeLife.com. It’s well worth the detour.

 Amanda O’Donovan is a Toronto-based corporate communicator with a passion for plain speaking. Although she tries to avoid sinking to the darker depths of the jargon basement, she has, on more than one occasion, been found guilty of speaking techno babble. With your help, she too can kick the habit.